what i see when i run – 6

December 13th, 2012

what i see when i run – 6

Published in on the run, updated news - recent posts


back on the mean streets of mid wilshire. a very memorable run for a few reasons. most importantly, it was the first time i have been able to drag my lazy ass out of my place since i’ve moved back from newport. i havent exercised since mid october and have not only succombed to the not so healthy stereotypical poker lifestyle (ie sitting around, staying up way too late, eating too much, drinking and occassionally smoking) but i’ve also given in to a pretty powerful negative mood swing. for lack of a better word you can say i have been depressed…to put it mildly.

i have dealt with small bouts of unipolar depression my entire life but have pretty much been able to manage them. for me, drugs never worked at all and the only effective therapy was the manipulation of brain chemicals via exercise. exercise is a necessity – it  isn’t really fun in the haha way but sometimes it can be fun in the immediate stress relieving way – especially outdoor stuff like running.  with so many positive fringe benefits…ie you eat great, look better, sleep well and get shit done it’s hard to believe it can be so easy to stop working out. unfortunately, as easy as it is to fall out of it (as is the case when one falls into a black hole), starting back up tends to be even harder. i think being back in this apartment without tony amplifies the omnipresent sadness that my place seems to be laced with. sometimes i get up out of bed and step over what my brain still thinks is him. sometimes i think i hear his collar but then it turns out its my key chain janggeling. he was such a deep and intricate part of my life that it’s still been difficult filling that void. don’t think it will ever be filled…it’s just accepting that void which is the pretzel that my mind needs to untie.

redneonpsychicanyway – to make a long post short, i finally got my ass out and ran and it was good. it was  also the first time running in la without tony at my side. maybe that’s why i liked running in newport…it was an area that had never been associated with past memories. so…for some reason i decided to go get courtenay’s boxer (named bobby) and take him with me. bobby hasn’t had it easy – he’s got a back leg that seems to bother him all the time and he definitely has some skin probs but the kid’s got soul – you can see it in his eyes. he’s white too. it’s was almost like being with a tony ghost. it was great fun having him there though…good in a weird cathartic way albeit bittersweet. i’m gonna make it a point to go pick bobby up as much as possible. he was an excellent conversationalist as well.  not much else happened on the run besides the aforementioned mental maelstrom – i did happen to pass by one of the few psychics on my street. i’m into how late these guys stay open. it made for a good pic – i love neon signs very much.

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